It’s The Book Of My Days, It’s The Book Of My Life

This is not going to be a pretty post.

It’s been a lousy couple of days. Gloomy weather, non-stop rain. Even the cricket match yesterday was a wash-out. Anyway, that was good. We needed it. Better than losing to the Aussies. In fact, I’m secretly hoping we have a few more wash-outs during the series.

The little one decided she needed to take a break from us, so she’s spending a couple of days with the in-laws.

My internet connection has started playing up again. Time for me to call up the customer service center and complain, yet again. Mysteriously, a couple of days after I complain, it’ll be up and running. (It’s walking, no, crawling right now). To all Indians (in India) out there, do NOT opt for Tata Indicom.

OK. That’s it for now, I guess.

Till I have something nice to blog about….

I don’t know why, but my daughter seems to have a penchant for locking people up. Actually, this time she locked us all out of the house.

I was out doing a little gardening… seriously, I was. Thaïs was out on the porch watching me. After a while Mario came out to see what was going on. Neither of us geniuses thought to carry the front door keys out with us, just in case. But then, who thought that she’d go right back and slam the door?! Yes, we have the kind of lock that doesn’t require a key to be locked. Not very practical when you have a toddler running around the place. Anyway, that’s what she did. So there we were, all three of us, locked outside.

Fortunately, I had the car keys so I drove to Mario’s parents place, got the spare key from them and disaster was averted.

When asked why she did it she said, “I didn’t want flies and insects to get in!”.

Something new my darling has started – she refuses to let me wash her hands…

Thaïs: Tana, why you washing my hands? You’re getting on my nerves.

Me: What did you say?

Thaïs: Wait… let me burp…

Burrrrpp!

Thaïs: OK… I can’t talk when I’m burping. I said, “you’re getting on my nerves, Tana”.

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Thaïs: I want to play bat-minton.

Me: OK… but you’ll have to grow up a bit. The racquet is too big for you now.

Thaïs: OK… when I grow up I’ll play bat-minton.

After a while…

Thaïs: When I grow up I’ll hit the shutter-cock with the bat-minton… OK?

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Last night at around midnight…

Thaïs: Come on, Tana. It’s 10:30 o’clock. Time to go to sleep…

She had just spent the last 20 minutes jumping and dancing on the bed, and this, I suspect, is what got her exhausted enough to tell me that she was ready to go to sleep.

Thaïs: If I jump over the pillow, then I would fell down… so I’ll jump in the middle.

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Cock-al-doodle-loo

My dame has lost her shoe

My master’s lost his figgle stick

And don’t know what to do!

FOO!

(Don’t ask me where she got that last line from!)

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Thaïs’ first attempt at “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”:

Likkle Twinkie star

I don’t know what you are

…

…

Why you laughing, Tana…?… Ass…!

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Thaïs will say and do anything to stay up past her bed-time. Last night, after I put on her pyjamas and got her ready for bed, she tried to have a conversation with one of her imaginary friends. She flipped open her toy cell phone and said, “Hello… hmm… yes. OK… bye.”

That was when I made the biggest mistake of my life. OK… the biggest mistake of that night… Asking her who she was talking to as I switched off the lights. Now, I’m giving you the abridged version. Our actual conversation went on much longer since my little darling has a tendency to repeat herself.

Thaïs: That’s my fwend.

Me: Oh. What’s your friend’s name?

Thaïs: Um… Anglesh.

Me: Is your friend a boy or a girl?

Thaïs: He’s a boy.

Me: I see… and where is he?

Thaïs: He’s… er… he’s far away.

Me: What’s he doing there?

Thaïs: He’s gone to find a sister baby.

Me: A sister baby?

Thaïs: Yes. For me to play with.

She opens up her phone again and has another inane conversation.

Me: Now what’s Anglesh saying?

Thaïs: Huh?! That was not Anglesh. That was my other fwend.

Me: Who?

Thaïs: Er… Dinglesh.

Me: Is Dinglesh a boy or a girl?

Thaïs: A boy.

Me: And what is Dinglesh doing?

Thaïs: He’s also looking for a sister baby for me.

Me: I see. And what are you going to do with all these sister babies?

Thaïs: I’ll play with them. Cricket and golf and batminton.

Me: Hmm… both sister babies… Don’t you want a brother baby?

Thaïs: No. I want sister babies. Wait. Don’t talk. My phone is winging.

After hanging up…

Thaïs: That was my other fwend.

Me: What’s his name?

Thaïs: Er… Inglesh.

Me: Does Inglesh speak English?

Thaïs: What?! What you saying, Tana? Don’t talk all yubbish!

Me: I’m not talking rubbish. What language are we speaking in right now?

Thaïs: I don’t know. Daddy, what er… wang-idge are we speaking?

Mario: English.

A pause…

Thaïs: No! That’s my fwend’s name!

Me: You told us your friend’s name was Inglesh.

Thaïs: OK… Sowwy!

Me: That’s OK. Have Anglesh and Dinglesh found your sister babies?

Thaïs: Not yet… I don’t know what they’re doing… Wasting my time…! Bloody swines…! Bassads…! I’m going to fire them!

No, this is not a yo-yo trick. We allowed Thaïs to walk one of the bigger dogs all by herself, yesterday. Of course, we were not far behind. But did she enjoy commanding Maggot (yes, that’s the dog)!

Maggot, move it, I said!

Stop!

Sit!

Wait!

Come on, let’s go!

She showed absolutely no fear at all. In fact, she was in heaven. At last, she finally had someone she could boss over…!

Full marks to Maggot, though. He was perfectly behaved, all the while letting Thaïs believe that she was the one in charge. Best of all, he took his orders like a (wise) man!

Woke up this morning to these shocking headlines – 14 Escape From Margao Judicial Lock-Up.

Are prisoners convicted thieves and murderers allowed to celebrate festivals in our prisons here?

Perfect timing, though. I believe the 3rd season of Prison Break premieres in a couple of hours in the US.

Thaïs has been learning the action song “I’m A Little Teapot”. She doesn’t quite know it yet - she keeps mixing up the lines. But she does seem to know most of the corresponding actions. Except for the last line. For some reason, she insists on pouring the tea out of the handle instead of the spout, so she bends the other way. We tried showing her how it works with a real teapot, but she refused to listen. She was having more fun pouring it out her way.

I tried to get some pictures of her in her teapot pose but as soon as she saw the camera she stopped and ran away.

Yesterday, out of the blue, she comes to me, points to her hip and says, ‘my handle is paining…!’ Running around the place, she bumped into a chair and hurt herself.

My little cuckoo has suddenly gotten into aerobics in a big way. Now that would have been fine, except for the alarming fact that she insists on wearing nothing but her panties, socks and shoes.

For obvious reasons, I’m not posting any photos here, but if you have the time and need a laugh, check out my Flickr site.

The photos aren’t too clear… my apologies for that. I was actually shaking with laughter.