It’s The Book Of My Days, It’s The Book Of My Life

This is something new my little angel has started. If she sees Mario or me stepping out of the house, she comes running up to the front door and calls out, “Wait! You can’t leave… You have to give me a hug and a kiss first!”

How cute is that?

However, if she missed your exit, you’d be wise to make sure she misses your re-entry, because she’ll come running up and shin you! A couple of times I’ve stopped to give her a hug and kiss out of fear of the punishment that’s sure to follow!

We’re at the supermarket. There are people all around. And just as a reminder, my daughter has a loud voice:

Thaïs: Mummy, do you have hard teats?

Me: What? Er… I don’t know. Look… there’s the ketchup. Let me go get it.

Thaïs: No, wait. I have hard teats. Why do I have hard teats?

Me: Um.. I don’t know. Oh! Look at those cartons of milk. Let’s get some for you.

(If you haven’t realized it yet, I was trying to distract her and change the topic)

Thaïs: But why?

Me: I told you. I don’t know.

Thaïs: No! You know! Can you guess? Please? Can you guess?

(Now I’m getting desperate)

Me: Isn’t that the chocolate you wanted to buy? Go get some.

Thaïs: Because I brush them everyday, silly. With toot-paste!!

Thaïs happened to come across cartons of her milk stored in the larder. All excited she blurted out, “Oh look! Those are my dudus!”

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Thaïs: Tana, help! Daddy’s rubbing his ‘deard’ on my cheek. It’s poking… Daddy! Don’t stop ‘dugging’ me!

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Thaïs went out for lunch with Mario’s parents and Mario’s sister and her family. When the rest of them were ordering their drinks, she placed her order too. “I’ll have a beer,” she told the waiter.

I’m told there was pin-drop silence all around the table.

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Thaïs caught me cursing today. “Mind your language, Tana,” she said. “Go stand in the corner and face the wall!”

Thaïs: I need to wear a bra…!

She was at her grandparents’ place when this episode took place, so unfortunately no pictures. But I believe she spent the whole morning going around the house with a handkerchief tied around her (ahem!) bust!

I don’t know why, but my daughter seems to have a penchant for locking people up. Actually, this time she locked us all out of the house.

I was out doing a little gardening… seriously, I was. Thaïs was out on the porch watching me. After a while Mario came out to see what was going on. Neither of us geniuses thought to carry the front door keys out with us, just in case. But then, who thought that she’d go right back and slam the door?! Yes, we have the kind of lock that doesn’t require a key to be locked. Not very practical when you have a toddler running around the place. Anyway, that’s what she did. So there we were, all three of us, locked outside.

Fortunately, I had the car keys so I drove to Mario’s parents place, got the spare key from them and disaster was averted.

When asked why she did it she said, “I didn’t want flies and insects to get in!”.

Something new my darling has started – she refuses to let me wash her hands…

Thaïs: Tana, why you washing my hands? You’re getting on my nerves.

Me: What did you say?

Thaïs: Wait… let me burp…

Burrrrpp!

Thaïs: OK… I can’t talk when I’m burping. I said, “you’re getting on my nerves, Tana”.

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Thaïs: I want to play bat-minton.

Me: OK… but you’ll have to grow up a bit. The racquet is too big for you now.

Thaïs: OK… when I grow up I’ll play bat-minton.

After a while…

Thaïs: When I grow up I’ll hit the shutter-cock with the bat-minton… OK?

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Last night at around midnight…

Thaïs: Come on, Tana. It’s 10:30 o’clock. Time to go to sleep…

She had just spent the last 20 minutes jumping and dancing on the bed, and this, I suspect, is what got her exhausted enough to tell me that she was ready to go to sleep.

Thaïs: If I jump over the pillow, then I would fell down… so I’ll jump in the middle.

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Cock-al-doodle-loo

My dame has lost her shoe

My master’s lost his figgle stick

And don’t know what to do!

FOO!

(Don’t ask me where she got that last line from!)

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Thaïs’ first attempt at “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”:

Likkle Twinkie star

I don’t know what you are

…

…

Why you laughing, Tana…?… Ass…!

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Thaïs will say and do anything to stay up past her bed-time. Last night, after I put on her pyjamas and got her ready for bed, she tried to have a conversation with one of her imaginary friends. She flipped open her toy cell phone and said, “Hello… hmm… yes. OK… bye.”

That was when I made the biggest mistake of my life. OK… the biggest mistake of that night… Asking her who she was talking to as I switched off the lights. Now, I’m giving you the abridged version. Our actual conversation went on much longer since my little darling has a tendency to repeat herself.

Thaïs: That’s my fwend.

Me: Oh. What’s your friend’s name?

Thaïs: Um… Anglesh.

Me: Is your friend a boy or a girl?

Thaïs: He’s a boy.

Me: I see… and where is he?

Thaïs: He’s… er… he’s far away.

Me: What’s he doing there?

Thaïs: He’s gone to find a sister baby.

Me: A sister baby?

Thaïs: Yes. For me to play with.

She opens up her phone again and has another inane conversation.

Me: Now what’s Anglesh saying?

Thaïs: Huh?! That was not Anglesh. That was my other fwend.

Me: Who?

Thaïs: Er… Dinglesh.

Me: Is Dinglesh a boy or a girl?

Thaïs: A boy.

Me: And what is Dinglesh doing?

Thaïs: He’s also looking for a sister baby for me.

Me: I see. And what are you going to do with all these sister babies?

Thaïs: I’ll play with them. Cricket and golf and batminton.

Me: Hmm… both sister babies… Don’t you want a brother baby?

Thaïs: No. I want sister babies. Wait. Don’t talk. My phone is winging.

After hanging up…

Thaïs: That was my other fwend.

Me: What’s his name?

Thaïs: Er… Inglesh.

Me: Does Inglesh speak English?

Thaïs: What?! What you saying, Tana? Don’t talk all yubbish!

Me: I’m not talking rubbish. What language are we speaking in right now?

Thaïs: I don’t know. Daddy, what er… wang-idge are we speaking?

Mario: English.

A pause…

Thaïs: No! That’s my fwend’s name!

Me: You told us your friend’s name was Inglesh.

Thaïs: OK… Sowwy!

Me: That’s OK. Have Anglesh and Dinglesh found your sister babies?

Thaïs: Not yet… I don’t know what they’re doing… Wasting my time…! Bloody swines…! Bassads…! I’m going to fire them!

No, this is not a yo-yo trick. We allowed Thaïs to walk one of the bigger dogs all by herself, yesterday. Of course, we were not far behind. But did she enjoy commanding Maggot (yes, that’s the dog)!

Maggot, move it, I said!

Stop!

Sit!

Wait!

Come on, let’s go!

She showed absolutely no fear at all. In fact, she was in heaven. At last, she finally had someone she could boss over…!

Full marks to Maggot, though. He was perfectly behaved, all the while letting Thaïs believe that she was the one in charge. Best of all, he took his orders like a (wise) man!

Thaïs has been learning the action song “I’m A Little Teapot”. She doesn’t quite know it yet - she keeps mixing up the lines. But she does seem to know most of the corresponding actions. Except for the last line. For some reason, she insists on pouring the tea out of the handle instead of the spout, so she bends the other way. We tried showing her how it works with a real teapot, but she refused to listen. She was having more fun pouring it out her way.

I tried to get some pictures of her in her teapot pose but as soon as she saw the camera she stopped and ran away.

Yesterday, out of the blue, she comes to me, points to her hip and says, ‘my handle is paining…!’ Running around the place, she bumped into a chair and hurt herself.