It’s The Book Of My Days, It’s The Book Of My Life

There’s a new quiz show on TV. Actually I think it’s more like a competition where you have to send in the correct option by SMS. The question changes every week or so.

Last week’s question: ‘Which animal is also known as the Ship Of The Desert?’
The answers: 1) Horse 2) Ass 3) Camel

The first time Thaïs heard the options she was shocked. She knows ‘ass’ is on the list of ‘bad words that she must not use on other people’. Eyes wide, she asked, “Did he say ‘Ass’?”

“Yes, he did. But in this case it’s allowed because ‘ass’ is another word for ‘donkey’.”

“Okay,” she said, and there were no further comments.

The next time she heard the announcer she stood up and at the top of her voice she yelled out, “Option 1, Horse; Option 2, Ass; Option 3, ASSHOLE….!”

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Another advertisement for designer bath fittings shows a man soaking in a tub, drink in hand. Then he gets out, wraps a towel around himself and walks past what I assume is a designer bidet and a designer commode. Thaïs watches the ad, then asks, “Now why didn’t he sit on the pot? Is he feeling shy?”

Thaïs is normally extremely polite. She says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ with no hesitation. Getting her to say ’sorry’, however is another matter entirely. It takes a lot of coaxing which sometimes doesn’t work. So we just threaten her ;-). Unfortunately for us, she is not easily scared. Needless to say, we’re still working on that one. The coaxing, I mean.

Another thing we’ve been trying to teach her is to not interrupt people when they’re talking. To be fair, we have had some success on this front.

Here’s what happened yesterday. Mario and Thaïs were arguing about something. Mario said something to her, she said something back to him, and it went on. Suddenly she wags a finger in his face and says, "Daddy, stop talking. Don’t interrupt me. I’m talking now. Wait till I finish."

Practise what you preach, Mario.

The best part of it all? She’s only three years old!

Thaïs: Look Daddy, I’m playing the piano with my foot!

Mario: Yes.. like Jerry Lee Lewis.

Thaïs: Who?

Mario: Jerry Lee Lewis.

Thaïs: Oh.

A little while later…

Thaïs: Look at me, Tana. I’m playing the piano with my foot… like… er… like… Jelly Loose!

Thaïs caught me putting away some er… unmentionables… the other day. OK… OK… they were sanitary napkins. “Whose are these?” she asked me.

“They’re mine,” I said.

She put out her hand. “Can I have one?”

Knowing full well that downright refusal would be a big mistake, I gave her one. She looked at it, turned it over and said, “But it’s… it’s like… a diaper! You’re using diapers!? Why? Because you’ll mess your pants?”

She had a good laugh after that.

Correction… we all did!

A few days ago I had to go into town to get some work done, and I decided I’d be able to get more done if I left the little one at home with Mario. So I waited for her to fall asleep in the afternoon and I slipped out.

Unfortunately, it took me longer than I had expected to complete all my chores and Thaïs woke up while I was still out. The first thing she usually does when she wakes up is look for me. And that’s exactly what she did. She poked her head into each of the rooms and bathrooms calling out to me and at the same time asking Mario where I had gone.

Fearing a tantrum, Mario told her I had gone next door and that I’d be back soon. Thaïs looked at him for a few seconds as if wondering whether to believe him or not. Then she went to the balcony and looked out.

She came back in. “She’s at the neighbor’s?” she asked Mario, double-checking.

“Yes,” he said.

“But she’s taken the car. It’s not outside… I think she’s at Grandma’s house…!”

(BTW, there was no tantrum. She played happily till I got back.)

I was clearing up Thaïs’ playroom yesterday and thought I’d ask her to help out. Now I do get her to clear up her mess occasionally, and she obeys, but on each of those occasions there had been just a few toys lying around so it wasn’t too daunting a task for her and she’d manage to get the room cleared up pretty quick.

Yesterday, however, was a different story. It seemed as though she had dumped the entire contents of her toy chest on the floor. And since she wasn’t playing in the room any longer, I thought I’d get the place cleared up. I groaned looking at the mess and decided to get my revenge. “Thaïs,” I called out. “Please pick up all your toys and put them in the toy chest. I’m coming back into the room after 10 minutes and I expect the mess to be cleared up. If I see any of your toys on the floor, I’m going to throw them out. Do you understand?”

“What? Throw them out? Where?” she asked.

“In the garbage.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “I’ll tell Daddy,” she threatened.

“Please go ahead. And while you’re at it tell him to come in here and take a look at this mess.”

She looked around the room. “Err… no. He’s busy. Don’t disturb him. But I need them… I’m still playing, Mummy.”

“You can’t be playing with all these toys at the same time. Come on now… start clearing up.”

After a little more coaxing she agreed to clear up the room. I went back after about 10 minutes. My dear daughter had indeed started clearing up. The only difference was, all the toys that had previously been on the floor were now piled up on the table, the couch, and her mini easy-chair. Her toy chest was still empty.

“But Mummy, you said no toys on the floor…!”

This is something new my little angel has started. If she sees Mario or me stepping out of the house, she comes running up to the front door and calls out, “Wait! You can’t leave… You have to give me a hug and a kiss first!”

How cute is that?

However, if she missed your exit, you’d be wise to make sure she misses your re-entry, because she’ll come running up and shin you! A couple of times I’ve stopped to give her a hug and kiss out of fear of the punishment that’s sure to follow!

We’re at the supermarket. There are people all around. And just as a reminder, my daughter has a loud voice:

Thaïs: Mummy, do you have hard teats?

Me: What? Er… I don’t know. Look… there’s the ketchup. Let me go get it.

Thaïs: No, wait. I have hard teats. Why do I have hard teats?

Me: Um.. I don’t know. Oh! Look at those cartons of milk. Let’s get some for you.

(If you haven’t realized it yet, I was trying to distract her and change the topic)

Thaïs: But why?

Me: I told you. I don’t know.

Thaïs: No! You know! Can you guess? Please? Can you guess?

(Now I’m getting desperate)

Me: Isn’t that the chocolate you wanted to buy? Go get some.

Thaïs: Because I brush them everyday, silly. With toot-paste!!

Thaïs happened to come across cartons of her milk stored in the larder. All excited she blurted out, “Oh look! Those are my dudus!”

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Thaïs: Tana, help! Daddy’s rubbing his ‘deard’ on my cheek. It’s poking… Daddy! Don’t stop ‘dugging’ me!

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Thaïs went out for lunch with Mario’s parents and Mario’s sister and her family. When the rest of them were ordering their drinks, she placed her order too. “I’ll have a beer,” she told the waiter.

I’m told there was pin-drop silence all around the table.

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Thaïs caught me cursing today. “Mind your language, Tana,” she said. “Go stand in the corner and face the wall!”

Thaïs: I need to wear a bra…!

She was at her grandparents’ place when this episode took place, so unfortunately no pictures. But I believe she spent the whole morning going around the house with a handkerchief tied around her (ahem!) bust!